I swear to god I love myself

This was Easter 2017.

Before I would ever see those walls of the mental ward at the hospital in Monroe, before I knew why I was so angry all the time. Before I knew I had experienced trauma so bad that it effected my daily life (ptsd). It was before my dabbling with magick, and tarot. It was before most you were in my life. I was miserable on the inside but I managed to smile for others and spread my light. These were times when makeup made me feel pretty because I didn’t love myself. A darkness lingered close, and soon I would take 3 trips to the mental hospital after this, each for suicidal thoughts and actions.

This was before I knew myself, before I knew why I was here. This was before I understood why I had to go through all the pain.

I had literally moved to this home a week before this party. I moved in with my uncle and my mom. I had no clue what I was getting myself or my daughter into. I won’t go into details, but it was traumatic. My mom had moved from Florida and my kid missed her. I knew my mom might not have too many more years to live, and I packed everything to go states away because my kid wanted to go. I wasn’t happy either, so why not?

Those few years I lived in Louisiana were the hardest on me mentally. Those were my darkest days. They were also full of bad energy, and dramatically enhanced fights. I was homeless more than I have ever been in my life, I went without more than I had ever in my life. My daughter suffered in those years, the drama was so intense.

When my passed away Oct 1, 2019 I would move to Oklahoma. The entire energy changed, my entire outlook on life changed.

I managed to come from taking 7 meds, to none. From wanting to die, to loving life; even through the hardest times. I am so fucking proud of myself. These scars will always remind me of my lows, but my life will remind me of My willpower, and my ability to smile and love life through all I have been through are my greatest strengths.

Published by primrosephoenix

I Am All

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