Love and Darkness

Playing connect the dots. You ever do that? You’ll be trying to do something- washing the dishes and you start asking questions- then dots get connected?

I’m draw to share certain messages with whom ever happens to find them – so here goes. Deep breathe- this is deep dealing for me as well, please bare with any typos.

I met my ex. He was the man I’d been praying for- my Superman. His face was beautiful and angelic to me. When I met him- he was fascinated at my eyes and asked me “who are you?” often.

The third time I was with him- I was laying on the bed and he laid next to me. When I looked at him he freaked out a little bit and said there was someone in my eye- and they glared at him angrily. Never had I ever heard anyone tell me anything like this- my eyes have always been “beautiful” yet “mystic”. But never anything dark or evil seen in them.

It seemed when I moved in with him, things went haywire in his home. His daughter was seeing this darkness around the house, he was sensing it in his sleep. I never felt anything.

I need to jump back- to a previous time in this life. I lived a childhood rejected but my mother over and over again. I moved way way more than any child should ever have to move. 13 elementary schools I counted I went to. To give you an idea. My mom was only with me half the time, and I’d be left at peoples houses for weeks or more until she came back. Then, at 22 I was held against my will by the mans that fathered my child. 4 months. Beaten. Raped. Etc. By the time 2017 hit I was well aware of the suicidal ideations running through my mind daily. Depression took over. Ptsd. I was emotionally numb and I couldn’t sense any love except for my kid.

Finding out I had this darkness attached to me- and watching people see it manifest in myself and in our home- it bothered me badly.

I journeyed down the rabbit hole with Alice more than once. And the final straw with this darkness led to a heroic dose and an “exorcism”. He spoke love to it. Called it forth, because she could see it through my eyes he was able to see and call it- and he spoke love to it. He told it so many sweet and loving things. I remember I was laying on the bed, and I was shaking- vibrating roughly and I was shaking in my soul as well. In my mind I was laying in hell- alone and surrounded by evil things. Afraid and tortured I felt. I could barely hear my ex, but the words “call on the light” rang through to me very clearly. So I did. And I saw the light, and I was taken to places beauty doesn’t describe. Heaven?

Deep breathes. This is hard to type out for you guys- I pray you feel the e-motions I’m feeling as I type these words.

Learning about ego, shadow, and inner children I’m finding- I never had a demonic entity attached to me- I had part of me that was hurt, and lost, and needed love.

He says he saw a black cloud rise from my body- in my mind I see the same thing. How can this be?

Your ego comes online in the worst of the worst as a child around 5 to 7. Sometimes later- but I feel because of the childhood I had mine came on earlier. The ego is an energy of defense. It saved me when I needed it as a child- and through my life. The ego has its own little energy field, just like the inner child, and the shadow. They all have major purposes and you can even be perceived multiple personalities through this. (As well as past life energies). The ego, shadow, and inner child can cause chaos in your life. They can mess up all your manifestings. They can manifest as demonic entities- they be frightening.

Looking back at this, it’s by far my most spiritual experience ever. It’s the most powerful. When I was released from that darkness I remembered my souls oath, to fight evil for the light for eternity. And that has changed my life. That was one year ago. My spiritual awakening happed 7 years ago. The timeline is crazy. I chase this now. Crave this healing and light.

I did mushrooms a few more times, each time asking who and what I was. I was shown exactly what I am.

I support the use of mushrooms as a means to heal your body and soul. They are magick. As are you.

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