Today- two years ago my mother passed. The energies are decent right now and I’m not crying. I feel an odd peace about today- where I should be upset and still grieving.
I grieve daily- in my own way. I honor my mother in all she did and didn’t do- as part of keeping her contracts to me on a soul level. Although she wasn’t what is perceived as a good mother- she was just what I needed.
She was strong- brave- and used her voice- even if she did so aggressively. She was a warrior in her times- a long with her mother and the one who came before her. My mother came from a line of poor, abused women- who moved ridiculous amounts of time to escape the clutches of darkness.
Shes healing through my healing and I feel that. I didn’t become the healer I am today until after my mother passed. I cried and cried- knowing I’d help so many- but not her. I was so wrong- because I feel her daily. I am her- and she is me. I carry her with me- and as I heal- I’m healing her. As I honour my sacred feminine- I honour hers.
My mother was abused from birth by a step dad who hated her. Her first broke bone was at 8 months old- she was told she had been thrown across the room. She was molested by the step dad and uncles- she was raped and beat by the men she chose.
Today I feel her healing- I feel her brightness and light. I feel her pride in what I’ve done- for our whole family- the curses I’m taking on and breaking- she’s going to do better in future lives because of me, and the work I’m doing in our family.
Not only did I lose my mother oct 1- but I lost my father- or the only man I knew as father- Oct 6, 2003- and we did my mothers Celebration of Life the day he passed- his birthday is Oct 13. This season is full of crazy, loving, sad, painful memories and I’m embracing each one as they come. I won’t fold, I won’t fail at this healing. I’m healing for both of them- and their parents, and the parents that came before them.
It no longer matters, the pain they caused or the lies they told- what matters is the truth they see through me, through the actions I’ve transmuted- through the condoning I’ve released. I love them both- and honor them today and always as the Ones Who Showed Me The Way.
Today- I forgive. Totally and utterly anything I’ve yet to innerstand on this journey- around my immediate family- I forgive because I get it. I had to go through all of what I went through to get here- to this point on this path. I pray you can find it in your heart to release what ever might be holding you back today- so you can reach the healing you deserve- for you, for your children, for your family.
Peace be with you.