I’m going to share my journey- of finding a home for my daughter and I. It’s important to remember, when you begin manifesting something you’ve never had- there’s things spirit has to teach you, and remove from you- so that you can do what’s needed to obtain your manifesto- or so you can match the vibration of what it is you’re seeking.It started at birth but we are going to skip to the time I realized I knew I needed stability. I was with my ex. My “twin flame” out love was magickal. So golden hued and obsessive. It was a dangerous love. A love that suffocated and hurt, and freed and soothed. He was the one- who showed me all of my life- and it’s pain- it’s suffering- and it’s effect on me.He promised me stability. Always. The one thing I craved and I was smitten. Stability was the spell he had over me.What would I do when things got so bad, he was beating me? Threatening to hit my daughter/ punch her in the face? My parents were gone. Dead. I had no family to speak of- the ones I thought I had- weren’t family after all. I had to go to jail- for 3 days to see that I couldn’t keep my child in that home. On the third day- I showed them my bruises. Head to toe. Blue and purple. They released me.I had no choice but to go back to him- my kid had been left in his care the whole time I was in jail- she was safe and he didn’t hurt her. She went to his ex wife’s. With his daughters. But still- my heart. Healing is still happening from this time in my life.Stability. I wouldn’t find it for another two years- almost. I left- with nothing- just my bags of belongings and my cards- and my kid- and my faith. Even my phone didn’t work- not properly. I had to do readings- reach out to people on Facebook for help- but I got my kid away from him- 14 hours. Off to Arizona.I stayed with a friend from Florida. Things were hectic and crazy in her house- she held a lot of anger inside. I quickly left- to roommate with her friend. This was a lot better. Spacious- my daughter and I had a room- we had a pool. It was amazing- and something I’d manifested. Too much drinking happened here- the anger was still prevalent in the girl I was staying with- anger seemed to pop up all around me.Your outer world reflects the inner you. Pay attention.I would soon leave there, to go to Kentucky. I spent Halloween with Ashlea Kimbrough and did some blow out magick. Then my daughter and I caught a bus across the country. 5 days. It was hell and amazing all in one. Pain from not being able to sleep good- I worried about money and how I would feed her- strangers and would anyone try to hurt us? Triggers were still there. She was smaller then- but it wasn’t our first time on the bus.I lived in Kentucky for a year or so- in the same home. With my old roommate- there was still some anger- some laziness- some using of others. Remember- you’re outer world reflects your inner self. I knew this then. I observed the ones around me. Saw me in them- cleaned that mess up- and flourished.This was the home where my business expanded to arts and resin- witchy kits and spellwork, healing and light language, I found my magickal manifesting music I listen to now, I made friends and family for life, I grew a garden for the time- I bought a shed for my work- I found my child’s heart there and helped her heal. I grew my love for myself and the world. I made the most money- I was the healthiest.Stability. It’s the root to success.In April I lost a baby- and soon after I went on a Ayausca journey. This changed some things for me but it wasn’t dramatic and crazy and all that. I was able to go on my very first vacation though and paid for it with my own hands. This was the key to my happiness with that journey. My own work- my own business was the makings of my whole world. I did that. From the ground up and I was beyond proud.In September I think- we moved. There was other things going on in the house that I wasn’t happy with. My kid being bullied. Me being used. We went to a small place about an hour away- where things got a little bad. I had no car- no way to get what we needed because Uber and DoorDash weren’t out there. The toilet and bathtub had major issues and the health department would have shut that place down quick. The landlord wouldn’t fix it. 10,000$. I had to leave. We had to leave.There was growth here though. Mushroom knowledge and hunting for the first time. I learned to use my energy to heal Gaia- I began some of my longest and most scared of works that lasted two months- daily. I learned I could protect against evil- I learned about my childhood and the pains I suffered and I reached a new level of power in those moments. My kid and I grew together in spirituality and she upgraded. I learned I survived death attempts as a kid. I learned the horrors of been feeling but couldn’t place. My hair was cut at this point.Off to Indiana. Friends? Soon we’d go to a hotel in Ohio- like 3 weeks after getting there. Masks came off. I grew. I learned. I expanded and on to the next spot. The hotel was nice. I was thankful for it. But I was stressed to the fucking Max. No car!? No one!? I was in a strange state- everywhere I called couldn’t help me!? No homeless shelters had room? None of the 211 connections could help. We were there for a good two weeks. I worked my ass off to feed is and pay for the room.Soon after my friend April Metroff would come from Ohio and welcome us into her home for a few weeks. This is where I grew compassion and love and a throat chakra and changed things for myself. What issues we had- were fixed before I left. We talked and worked things out and she said I always had a place to go if I needed it. This is the key. Compassion. Love. Be understanding. We all have pains.There was a lot more than just that, that happened at April’s house. I realized I had Stockholm syndrome for my mom my whole life and even in her death she held her grip on me. A kitten. Keeping me from a good home- with “family” but not blood. Soon I’d come to North Carolina.I didn’t think I’d be homeless again tho. Really didn’t. My daughter began being mistreated while I was away- and the mistreatment went to me as well- the same days- yelling- disrespect. My kid don’t run. If she runs from you- you’re not doing something right. She’s a fighter. A warrior and she’s not a runner. I had to pack our stuff right then.This time things were different though. Car ✔️Full time job ✔️ business success ✔️ faith ✔️.Things moved slow. But two weeks of being in a hotel again- and here we are. HERE WE ARE. IN OUR HOME. And I have no worries. I know everything will be provided. I know all my bills will be paid on time. We won’t go hungry. Because I healed the stuff in me that caused all that. The anger. The laziness. The fear. Each place I went- I grew. I leveled up. People watched like I was hopeless and lost. But I was on a mission. I lost friends- clients- but some of you stayed- some of you aren’t clients- but family who support my mission and my work. I love you all for staying and helping and cheering me on. I honour you. I see me in all of you.Things seemed to go wrong so many times- but each time it was a level up a ladder to the home I dreamed of. Through all of this- I knew I’d get my home- I learned what was needed. I was open to the work spirit had to do on me and that meant showing me things like- cleaning is important. Handling your money responsibility is important. Loving and understanding my child was important. So many things Unlearned and gained through this process of tower cards and death cards. Things weren’t going wrong. Things were lining me up for this. Every time I moved, left, was homeless there was danger. Abuse. Hate. Neglect. Using of others. Lies.My message to you- let go. Move. Leave. Do what you feel drawn to do- it’s for a reason. Your energy is needed in other places, your light is shining bright and you’re ready for the next step. Take it. Manifest what you’ve never had- and to have faith in yourself- that you CAN DO IT.THROUGH THIS JOURNEY I LOST MY SHIT, was triggered, was angry, was lazy, was hurt. It wasn’t all flowers and rose pedals- it was painful and ugly. But I saw what I needed to see in me, and I cleaned that up. Triggers? I’m sure I still have some lying dormant waiting to suprise me. Pain? I’m sure it’ll come again. How will I handle it is the question. With self love and faith I can move mountains and build castles.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: