Lately it’s been bad…

I’m sitting here, high on pain meds when I hate the things.

Two weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. I was excited, and beyond myself with love for the universe. I had a miscarriage in May of 2018, and I had visions of my son. I was shown by the divine that I would have a beautiful baby boy, and he would be happy and healthy. Things weren’t what they seemed.

I started bleeding soon after and the dr appointments began soon after that. It wasn’t normal and they couldn’t find the baby. I had several vagina ultrasounds before they decided it was tubal.

The danger of a tubal pregnancy: as the baby grows, the tube will burst, leaving the mother to bleed out and experience terrible pain. It’s very deadly.

I was offered two options to terminate my pregnancy, methotrexate or have it surgically removed.

Me and methotrexate go back years, to 24 and psoriasis. I refused it then, and I refused it this time. The surgery would be 3 incisions. One on each side of my belly, and in my belly button. I would go under anesthesia, something I had never done.

My emotions were all over, and it was hard for me to function. The babies father wasn’t much help, no one could console me. I was numb and eventually no more tears could come. My second baby lost, my second baby that I never got to hold. My heart broke for me, for my daughter; for the tiny love that didn’t make it, for all the mothers who had ever gone through this. My heart is still breaking.

It’s been 2 days since my surgery and I’m having good moments and bad. My body hurts, and I’m exhausted. But I have found hope and faith in the coming blessings.

I am well aware that everything happens for a reason, and I’m certain this is no different. I can ponder the idea; what if my baby had been born with a genetic defect; or what if something else bad could have happened and this is really a blessing in disguise.

I know my love; my heart; and my soul. I know that this was not to punish me, or hurt me. This happened so that something better could happen, for me or another.

I will smile, and be grateful for all that I do have, and for my beautiful daughter. I will smile and know, that I am loved, and I have loved. I will smile, and I will praise very mother I come across.

We are warriors. Walking miracles. Portals from the spirit world, to the physical. We are magick, we are grace. I love each of you, my sisters. And I honour you fathers as well.

The pain is bad for you, I know this too. It’s not just the mother that loses the baby, the fathers hearts break just the same. ❤️


June 2 2020 I was beaten. I was thrown, literally around the house, my body flying through the air more than once. This went on for 7 hours, and finally ended with 8 cops with AKs. This was not the only time that he hit me, it was the day it stopped.

This day, I grew the most strength I’ve ever had and pulled a gun on the man doing this. I held the gun on him and tried to get my daughter to safety, ironic, we should have been safe all along.

I then went to jail for 3 days, for defending my daughter and me against a man 6’ tall and 350 pounds.

I still suffer daily from pain from this. My neck and shoulders hurt me so bad I can barely move my neck some days.

The emotions attached are ok, I don’t have flash backs or nightmares any longer about what I thought was my twin flame. But this physical pain reminds me how bad ass I am and how far I will go to protect my children.

To hear him tell it, I’m crazy. He never laid a hand on me. He never threatened to hit my daughter in the face or call her racial slurs. He never even yelled at me. His kids can attest. Mine as well. His ex wife, and Oklahoma state has pics of the bruises he left on me. I no longer bother myself with what others believe mainly because of this man.

He would always tell me how stupid I was, how I wasn’t good, holy, the light. How my ideas were stupid and I was a shitty mom. He would yell at me for loving him, for trying to help him, all after he pretended to love me beyond this life and this world. Manipulation at its finest.

While I was sitting in the jail, a lady walked by and stopped. The most beautiful lady of melanin I had ever seen with blue eyes, dressed to a T in her uniform. She looked me in the eyes, after stopping mid stride and said some words I’ll never forget, “Who you are in your heart is who you are. Never let anyone tell you’re studio or not enough!” God send in those moments.

If you’re in abusive situation even if it’s not physically abusive, free yourself. Leave and take your babies and get far away. You don’t have to listen to anyone belittle you, yell, or otherwise abuse you. You are protected by the stars and if you leave, they got you! Don’t let fear keep you somewhere that’s not good for you, or your kids.

Reach out to someone you know you can trust; if you have no one; reach out to me.


Inner Child

As a little child my mom would leave me randomly for long periods of time, often with people I was not comfortable around. I remember when I was 5 spending the summer cleaning someone else’s home while my mom was idk where.

These spurts of abandonment effected me very deeply as a small kid. I would have nightmares about my mother often, and they would repeat. I would be looking for her, and looking and looking and sometimes I would find her. Once she was in a shack in the woods, and tried to cut off my fingers. This dream began when I was 3 maybe….

The last time I remember being away from my mother was that summer. Previous to that I had spent 10 months with my grandma in another town and a few months with my father before that. 3 and 4 years old I was being rejected by my mother. Pawned off and left to wonder why? Was I not good enough? Did she not love me? What did I do to deserve that?

Those times are dark and mysterious, and I’m thankful I can’t remember them all. Today, I pray my kid never has to feel that way about me. I pray she knows deep down that I will do anything to keep her by my side.

These nightmares I have about losing my kid, they are directly related to my mother and these childhood memories.

I know now that my mother was hurt, bad and addicted to her lifestyle in order to survive through her own trauma. My heart forgives her but why can’t I get past the nightmares? In my dreams now it’s me losing my kid. Not me leaving my kid. Or abandoning her. It’s a fear of not having her with me. Because I wasn’t with my mom, but it seems I’m logical enough that this shouldn’t hurt me anymore. My inner child needs so much love today.

I need so much love today.

I send infinite amounts of reiki and love and light to every version of me in the infinite now. I send the angels to protect me through whatever I may be going through; past present or future. I love you Tiffany.


🌬🌲 The beauty of the morning has me in awe. I sat under the trees and heard the birds singing as I watched the sky change from Dark to Bright. The colors of the sky mesmerize me.

I sat there, repeating affirmations and making intentions as I planted my feet to the ground … I invoked the universe.

She whispered so sweetly as I heard the beautiful songs of the birds.. and She said:

We started from one. All creatures in this universe, the planets and entities within it, we started from One..

As I looked at the colors in the sky and the birds flying by, I felt a oneness and gratitude beyond this life. Tears rolled down my face as I thanked the universe for that.. but then I asked for more.

What is light? Light is Soul the universe said..

Did we come from light?
The light came from the darkness, we started out as No-Thing.. all black darkness and from that sprang life.

The beautiful part, we all did this, this beautiful life and all its creations.. we, The Creator.

Divine Truth

When I thank the universe it’s funny because it ends up being that I’m thanking myself. To know that I am all, and that I thank the universe for the blessings in my life, I’m actually thanking myself for the hard work that I put in right? So if I am all and all of the universe is within me I am Source energy I am God basically what I pray I’m praying to me. Those of you those of you who say that there’s a higher power above me and then I’m not God, and that I’m delusional; have you studied manifesting? Have you looked into how things are brought into your life and intentions and your words that manifest and you are thoughts that manifest?  Have you considered that may be the reason you’re not getting the things that you think you need or the things that you think you want or because you’re praying to the wrong person? For me to say that I am goddess call triggers a lot of people. But you have to realize who I am, I follow no religion, Also no standards, your version of right and wrong do not apply to me. And it should be that way for you…  And I am Goddess. And I claim all of the power of the universe. The thing about this is you too are Goddess or God, manifesting your life through your vibration and your beliefs. You can no longer say that anything that happens to you as a result of anything outside of you because you are all. You must take accountability for the stuff that you’ve taken into the actions that have gotten you where you are now and if you’re not happy with where you are now you need to move forward and change things because you’re in power nobody else can take your power. You have the power to change everything about your life as long as you have patience, drive, motivation, and Faith in you!

Have you ever made something? Created from nothing but an image in your mind? Have you ever dwelled in the negative and saw the negative energy that manifests in your life because of that? I know damn well I have. I created a whole human being! KINDA GODDESS LIKE TO ME.

Accept what you are and let the ideas what you thought was true fall away. Allow magick to happen for you when you jump out of the matrix. Put that bible down and listen to your soul, or read it from the view of God. 👏

We are magickal and they fear the day you learn that.. who is they? Most people. Bevause then you’ll shine like a mother fucker and thet will be fearful.. of your power, success, growth. Let it all go… become what you’re meant to be.


My daughter said some words to me this morning that touched my soul. It was freezing, and she had watched me cry over the pain in my neck… I was so uncomfortable but still playing with her, and making her smile..

She said, “Mama, thank you for all you have done for me.” Tears… I asked her what she meant, and she said her whole life, everything. ❤😭

I found what I thought was the love of my life in 2019. The energy and love was insane but as we are balance, the darker parts of that relationship were quite dark. She went through some abuse and its effects her still. For 6 months I allowed this to go on and then finally got away. No one in this life has been able to touch the love I felt from that man… but I walked away for my kid.

My Family, listen when I tell you this. Your kids will thank you for leaving that abusive house. They are being effected too. Your kids will see the love you have for them if you leave.. They will see how much you want them to live a life without abuse. They will love you more for it.

Walking away from what you think you need, to protect and love your babies opens you up to the blessings of the universe. Walk away. Without a thing, get on the school bus with your kid.. walk out the door while the abuser is asleep. There are shelters, motels, and people out here who will help you, leave. For peace, for love, for your babies. This goes for men and women, and for those who don’t yet have kids. Free Thyself.


Meditation is alot easier than most people would care to admit. Visualization isn’t hard, it’s natural, burned into us. It’s how we work all the time. When you close your eyes and you’re told to visualize something, you may no see anything with your two physical eye balls. Sometimes, some people do say they see colorful visions and things. When I meditate, I think I associate it more with my intuition. I feel things rather than see them, if that makes sense. It’s the same when I do guide readings or card readings. I’m feeling energy. It’s important also, to know that just bc you don’t stay focused doesn’t mean it’s not working.

Easiest forms of meditations that I find are guided meditations online or on youtube. You can search a guided meditation for any and all purposes. You can grow your psychic powers through meditation, you can build relationships with guides through meditating. Use meditation to find yourself, the inner you that’s craving to escape the bars of limitations, the one whose overcame so much and now has so much to give. Mediation can change your life. You will get a handle on it if you keep at it and know you’re working towards a goal.

To start with, most will tell you to sit or lay down, I like to lay down.. I can’t comfortably sit and meditate normally, I’m not sure why. Use some earbuds for best effects when doing guided meditations or listening to music. There’s stigma around falling asleep while mediating, I find it’s quite relaxing. Lol.

Most of the time, the second instruction is to focus on your breathe. Breathing techniques are different in each one, and you can Google breathing techniques and adapt as you go. Different techniques will open different doors for you. When you’re meditating and you’re being drawn to thought or find it hard bc you can’t stay focused, don’t lose hope. This is normal. Your body works off its own programming. You’re retaining your body to listen to you, not the cycles it’s been adjusted to. When you find this happening, just come back to your breathe. Each time you meditate and you’re doing this, you’re growing in your control of yourself. Don’t give up.

Practice for just 5 mins to start with. Meditate on one word, something you want to bring into your life. Focus on a period in the future that would bring this one word to you. Create a fantasy of it coming to you, and hold onto that feeling.

It’s important when visualizing that you do it in futuristic terms. You’re moving from living in the past to creating a future. This is one of the keys to Manifesting.

An example of this would something like soulful connections. If I was to focus on soulful connections and imagine myself meeting all these grand people, all these souls I feel a strong connection to, and hold that thought for 5 mins, the universe will start conspiring to the chemicals my brain produces during that 5 mins. The visuals may change and shift, and that’s usually fine with me. My Meditations usually play like slide shows and they work well for me. When you want to bring it back to the breathe is when you start thinking about things that don’t pertain to your meditation.

One thing you should do, is look into the side effects of meditating. Google and read some things that will help you learn to better help yourself along your path.

💋 Focus on the Light

Focus on the light.

Now is not the Time to follow the herd. It is time to focus on your own light.

A vast energy is forming around you, and magick has its hand in the fate you call your future.

Make the decision Now, to work purely from the heart, a service based business would work out perfectly for you.

Making a Facebook page, group, or any other app can be used to make a platform for you to begin working from. It does not take lots of money to lend an ear, or a shoulder to cry on.

You have that inner need to assist and help others. Focus on that, and allow this magic to work for you. When you work from a pure heart, all the stars sway your way.

Some want money, some want fame.. but most of who is reading this, simply want to be of service.. to help others see a light in this world.
It is your goal to put a smile on someone’s face, so make it happen every day.

That’s the light you focus on now. Don’t allow distractions to come around, turn off the tv, don’t listen to the naysayers. Follow your dreams.

Take your light in your hand, and hold it high for the world to see. Make it know that you are working with the Light, bringing it to the darkest places within the souls of those who need it.

It seems, to some, a daunting task to assist like this. This is because you are empathic. You feel others emotions and energy transference causes you to take on the negative emotions of others.

Imagine a golden bubble surrounding you, when you feel this happening. This bubble is full of flowing, golden, healing energy. It flows in and around you, filling you and your bubble with love and light.

Any energy to enter this bubble gets transmuted, making you an alchemist.

I call Forth my Brothers of the Sky, to wrap their wings around you all. May protection be one less stress on your hearts.

Focus on the light.

Golden ❤🤩

Written December 22, 2020 by Tiffany Powell..

Sitting here thinking, and this year has been the most terribly incredible thunderstorm of love and pain. The last six months have brought so many lessons and so many blessings that I have to actually try to remember the hard times. I’m honoured to have reached this type of healing.

I get asked alot how did I get to this point?

Self love! I stood up and said no more, I wouldn’t take the hate spit at me, I wouldn’t submit my daughter to it. We hadn’t been in that situation too long, but the months prior to Arizona were less than fantastic.

Self Love. Self Knowledge. Self Awareness. Do you know your worth? Do you know what you are? Science has proven it, a fractal of God/Source/Light.

Wouldn’t it make sense that it you are a piece of God then, that you could shape and shift things to your desire? Well actually, yes. The law of attraction.

So then, if you know what you are and what you’re capable of, how do you get past the programming you obtained through years and years of lives on this planet so that you can begin to use your magick to your advantage?

You feel. You quit hiding from those emotions you push aside everything they surface. Molested as a child? Feel the pain, forgive that inner child within you. Abused and neglected? Feel it. It’s ok… This is how you heal. You can’t heal what you cant feel.. this is why it’s important to pay attention to your triggers. Everyone gets upset at one point or another. What upsets you? Why? Where does it come from? Be honest.. don’t lie to yourself anymore. When you have that feeling, that emotion, that pain in your head, you’ve thought about it and figured it out, take your hand and wipe it back from your forehead to the back of your neck, literally wiping the pain away. Can figure out where it’s coming from, get a pendulum, get a deck of cards… Can’t use them? Learn.. how important is your healing? How important is your peace? Is it worth working for?

Solitude. Be alone and be happy with yourself. If you can’t make yourself happy, no one else can make you happy, and you can make no one else happy. Happiness comes from within, it comes from love and joy. You have all you need within you, all the answers. Be alone and find them. Mediation! Is key!

We each have our own path, your mission, your objective here may be very different than most. I chose my path, and it’s worked well for me. So the things I share with you are based off my reality, my healing, my experiences, and my Love. So if it resonates that is wonderful..

My mission is to bring you peace. When I can make it through everything standing tall, and hold my head high through the criticsm, I have reached my goals. I want to be able to feel my emotions, but not have them control me. I want to be able to have you do the same because I know how much it helps me. 🙏

Written and posted 12/22/2020

Vampires of the Real World

Vampires, we all wanted to be one growing up. They are immortal, mystical, powerful dreams we could dream while sitting in front of the tv growing up. They dripped in magick and mystical allure, oh Queen of the Damned was my favorite growing up!

Did you know vampires really do exist? And they are draining your energy, your life force on a daily basis. We each have a cord to one another, and this cord allows for energy flow in either direction. This cord is attached to so many people in your life, even if you do not talk every day or at all. These cords can be removed when no longer serving you, and it’s very wise to do a cord removal often.

A person who comes to you all the time with their problems, complains all the time, or constantly has to have you engaged in something with them.. is taking your energy. Someone who speaks fear or doubt into you is also draining you.

Free will becomes a whole new ballgame when we talk about energy vampires. You’re being manipulated to give your life force to those who always “need” you. 9 times out of 10 these people aren’t there for you when you need them, or when they hear you, they laugh and mock your pain.

News, the television, the matrix.. this is mass energy drainage. Clocking in for someone who is abusive and degrading, feeling like you have too, this is energy manipulation, Massive Vampiric Energy draining the masses on a huge scale.

A lot of times empaths will have people come to them naturally because we are healers. Shielding is important in this situation. Shielding protects your energy and the other person’s as well. Just imagine a golden bubble surrounding you, 6 foot in circumference. This bubble is filled with golden energy, flowing all around and through you. Make the intention that this bubble not allow anyone else’s energy to enter and your energy cannot leave unwillingly.

The difference in who comes to you regularly for help, and those draining you is in their behavior. Is this person there for you? Does their behavior show they love you? Are they genuinely positive people?

Protecting your energy is very vital in this life. Your energy is all you really have.. Take time to think about all those in your life and which fit which description. Will you be able to set good boundaries to protect yourself?

Manifesting Your Dreams

Manifesting is the topic today so we will discuss why you are or aren’t bringing in the things you desire in your life.

Some believe your intentions are all that matter, some say you can only manifest though action and envisioning your dream.

I know that theres more than one way to get what you want and you better learn them all. Manifesting is the magick I do, it’s the way I walk in my life.. my words and thoughts are now trained to bring things in that I need < needing is your biggest problem when it comes to manifesting.

When you place a verb in front of an object or goal, the verb is what’s manifested. When you need money you’re going to always be in a state of needing money. It’s like the pursuit of happiness.. the pursuit is what’s being brought into reality. So when you want something, make it easy….

Why do we manifest? Why aren’t you manifesting the things you want? Why do others seem to have this gift naturally?

We manifest because we are Gods and Goddeses, Source Energy, The Universe experiencing life as I. We each are individual aspects of Source.

HUE-MAN- Light Manifested

Your reality is a conjoinung of all the things you think and feel regularly. If you want different you have to seek it, otherwise you’re stuck in the cycle you’re in. How do you do this? Study manifesting, quantum physics, meditate, practice divination or magick, learn reiki, psilocybin mushrooms and acid help. All of these will bring new perspectives in your life and awaken the gifts within you. When you find yourself, and I mean who you truly are.. you’ll know you are a God and you’ll bring things into your reality naturally.

In order to properly manifest you have to understand that you must give something up, be open to new opportunities, widen your beliefs to being limitless. You can’t claim you need money while doing a money spell. You have to Know that you’ll have what you need, in fact that you have it now. Where you place your core beliefs, values, and energy is exactly where your manifesting is coming from. You can’t say you want a new job or new life and not work towards it physically. The action taking step is one of the most important when it comes to having all you want and this is how you see people making moves that bring them success in all they do. They get up and act. They dont stay in front of an illusion of life of another dreaming of what they have. These people bring things to their realities because they know if they don’t give up they will succeed. They believe if another can do something so can they.

Reasons you don’t get what you want:
1. You’re not healed. You must heal from depression, anxiety, and any mental disorder that effects your daily life. Do this through affirmations. Quit claiming it. Say *I am healed* instead of I have …………
2. You don’t believe in magick. You are limiting your beliefs and therefore you’re blocking your blessings. Anything is possible.
3. You’re not acting, meditating, or trying… some say what they want and that’s it. Then get mad because they don’t get what they want from the universe.
4. You’re bitter, negative, or you have bad intentions..
5. You’re in the middle of a soul lesson.
6.  You don’t believe you truly deserve what it is you’re asking for or your vibration doesn’t match what you’re asking for.

How can you make it past this? Affirmations, meditation, learning, opening your mind, understanding why you have what you have, gratitude for what you have. Unlearning is the hardest part. You must unlearn all you were told about life, magick, and the universe. You have to break out of the box the matrix has has you stuck in. You have to have faith, a without-a-doubt knowing that you can and will do what it is you’re dreaming of.

The most important part is gratitude. Show thanks for what you have now, be thankful for life and know you can change anything you wish, if you only have faith and patience.

Set Your Intentions

For awhile now this post has been coming. . I couldn’t quite grasp how it was to unfold and it kept me in doubt about writing it.

Life is based off your intentions. Intentions are what you aim for, your plan, what you want the outcome to be… this is how your life rotates.

I’m no scientist, but I do some research when I want to know, and learning about the double-slit experiment blew my mind. * Google it.

My past had me in survival mode, and it conditioned me to always be looking for a way to make it. This had me using people who thought I was a friend. And it had me constantly struggling with bad karma. I was only Having to survive and doing what I thought to be right.

My childhood wasn’t the best, so learning about life was up to me as an adult. We have come to a place as humanity where we are realizing our past isn’t working any longer and we need change. This change happens with you, from the heart. We can no longer use our childhood, our traumas, and our healing as a crutch. Change has to happen, and that is exactly what I did.

I made vows to myself and the universe that I wouldn’t hurt another soul, in any shape or form. I don’t want to cause pain, and in doing this one simple thing .. I shifted realities.

Intentions are magick, they are the fabric of the stars. Your deepest intentions are what your life is based on. Your karma is decided off these. When you have pure intentions, and you’re not out to hurt others, either intentionally or not, the universe will give you all you desire.

We work as a multiverse.. everything a holographic projection of source. You are all, you are those others that you see on the street. What you do to them, you do to yourself. Look at them as a mirror and aim for the best way to uplift them, offer support or love them.

Set your intentions high and stand in them. Do not be waived by fears that keep you from what you deserve. Be love, be pure.

My Dreams Are Coming True

In a few weeks I’ll be opening the doors on very own apothecary. It’s a small, little shed of a building but its mine. I have dreamed of that moment for years and now it’s so close.

I won’t waste time on making things perfect, I’ll slam the doors open and sing my grand opening on April 1.

I’ve revamped my services and the list of prices I offer and in doing this, I began crying tears of gratitude. There are so many things I’ll be able to do now, so many people to help.

If I can give you any advice today, it would be go after what you want. Don’t let things like, “what if” and “cant” stop you.

I dreamed I woke up to 5,000+ in my bank account. This is a great omen of abundance and prosperity ahead. And with the way humanity is waking up, my services will be needed more than ever. My guides said it would happen, they told me I’d have all I needed.. I just needed to have faith. I Am Faith.

❤👑 New Services 👑❤

❤ 10 usd for 10 cards.

❤ 30 mins for 30usd this includes a 6 hour programmed reiki session. I send voice messages and pic of your cards or a video.

❤️Tarot/psychic/energy reading 60usd 1 hour.

Includes an introduction to your spirit guides and tools to change your life for the better. I give you information you need, of your highest good, and tell you how you can achieve your goals. I employ my own gifts with cards and pendulums. This is an hour session.

Past lives. Spiritual growth. Fertility. Emplyment. Health. Psychic Reading
Love. Blockages. Message from the Angels. Finances. Life paths.

❤️Magick spells 50usd- done for your highest good, through the quantum realms of possibilities.

❤️Reiki Healing sessions 60usd- 1 hour
20usd mini session

❤️Counceling/guidance 10usd-20usd- depending on time needed.

❤️Energy clearing/cord cutting/jar work 40 usd- remove unwanted conscious or subconscious cords, contracts, implants, negative attachments..

❤️Home cleansings75usd- includes saging and blessing your home, to remove unwanted spirits and entities. Can be done through distance or local and in home.

❤️Medium ship readings 40 usd- get messages from loved ones passed, your guides, and your ancestors.

❤️Mentorship 40 usd a month. (Unless I have taken you on already) – this is an all inclusive idea. Learn all you need to know, message me whenever to ask questions, and I assist in your prolonged healing.

❤ Deceased Loved One therapy and healing. Reiki offered as a healing method, Celebration of Life Ceremony also available. During this therapy and ceremony I connect to your loved one and make sure they have crossed over properly. 100 usd

❤ 20 usd monthly subscription.. includes monthly magick for your highest good, a free reading each month, a newsletter and collective reading each month.. and 1 session of reiki a month for free.

News for the coming Months

I’m introducing some new packages this Month.

Monthly subscription: 20$ > includes monthly email with collective reading, moon cycles, and other news, Magick each new moon and full moon just for you, 1- 30 mins reading ( includes reiki for 6 hours) each month, and discounts on reiki and other services in general.

I also will be opening my shop by April 1. There will be free services offered and raffles for coupons and gift cards for the grand opening.

I am looking for someone who may can make me a sign? 👆 for the building..

30 mins reading for 30$ with reiki

Reading, reiki, candle magick package…
30 mins reading, 6 hour reiki, 1 candle. 50$

Reiki sessions available online and in person starting April 1.

I will continue offering the 10 for 10 special.

PayPal tiffany.powell11@yahoo.con
Cashapp $tiffpowell1986
Facebook pay through messenger

Podcast Links

Check out my 2nd interview at these links…

I’m listening to Episode 196 – Tiffany P’s Story by Spiritual Underground Podcast on Pandora

Retrograde and The New Moon

Life can definitely be a rollercoaster.

Yesterday I felt the need to write, and never did. I’m somewhat glad because of what happened last night.

This retrograde has brought about a huge release and realization in me.

I gained my physical shop that I had been manifesting, two days ago. Then yesterday morning I had the most energy.. I was so thankful for everything I just cried happy tears. I danced around and listened to all my favorite music. I was on top of the world

But then last night, old programming came up that made me see what really was, and what I needed to admit. I’m not as healed as I would like to be. Life can be a struggle, and that’s ok. I’m not perfect. I’ll never be. I embrace the part of me that shows this fear, I love her. She’s been through so much she deserves patience.

For a long time I would get triggered and run my mouth and lose people I loved. I thought this is what happened last night… but the love me and that man share is stronger than that. He listened to my bitching.. and finally had enough… and I know he didn’t deserve it. My bitching came from a place of impatience.

I dealt with the pain of him “leaving me alone” and in the midst of it, I was wanting to die. How could I, again?? I was so tired of me. How could I bitch at this man when a he is, is good to me. I feel his love, he’s always there for me. I have to get this under control.

Its important to know that life will happen, you will have bad days. You will experience your own toxicities so you can adjust. You will be shown, who u are and what it causes if u pay attention. Then you’re responsible for shifting and becoming a better human. You’re responsible for showing others as well.

I Am a Goddess.

Biology and Ether

Balance of both light and dark.

This journey has been wonderous, scary, enlightening, and beautiful and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Walking into walmart last night, following the man who shows me so much love.. I received a message. “You are the light for other, even when you’re heart is breaking ..”

This is true. Lightworkers are always doing what they are meant to, even if its painful and they are hurting, their light is shining bright.

Being a Mom can be Hard

Parenting can be very stressful. I have to remember my kid is her own being, her own human with her own personality, but where to draw the line? At 11, shes being way too grown and that may be partly my own fault. I have not been super strict with her or secluded her from the world. She has been through her own trauma that shes dealing with. I must remember also that I made an agreement before this life, to teach her the things she needs to know so she can help change the world.

Being a parent is hard enough on some. Being a single parent is harder. I am blessed with help, but my parenting comes from me alone. No father in her life to speak of, that could teach her anything. Being a mother of 1, without parents of my own to call on.. that’s tough too. This is something I signed up for. My strength comes from my weakest moments.

Its important not to allow my abuse, my trauma to rub off on her.. in those moments when I’m angry I wont be abusive. This is exactly what I’m trying to teach her. Calling names is not ok, being rude is not ok. Not acknowledging your behavior and denying it is not ok. I must remember to breath through these moments, we are ending generational curses.

They say we are born into the vibration we left at in our previous life. And they mention that our parents are reflections of the karma we must endure. These past lives and generations that came before me were all abusive. Sexually. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. I will NOT raise a daughter who is mean or rude. It will end here. She is free to be her own person, to embrace all she loves… but she WILL NOT BE ABUSIVE ON MY WATCH.

Weed is indeed my best friend and I thank the universe for it. For without it.. man, I may not be as strong as I am. I am blessed to have this medicine to assist me along this path. It’s the wildest thing to imagine how our paths interconnect with our families, our children. They have their own, we have our own.. but we meet in the middle. Parenting for me, has become something I value. I will not be perfect, but I will be honest. I will be true. I will teach her what she needs to know whether she hears me or not. I will love her through her bad times and mine. She’s my angel, and I’ll do my part in her path.

Dream Space

In 2014 I had a dream. I struggle sometimes to remember my dreamscapes, due to the intake of THC but at this particular time I was studying the Quran, with respect to the religion. My system was super clean of any kind of drugs, chemicals, meat, alcohol. I found myself having a super vivid dreams, even past live dreams. In this dream I found myself surrounded by this golden white light, I was in it was I. My body was non-existent but I knew I was me. It was as if I was floating up and backwards at an angle kind of like an acute triangle. It was peaceful I was calm, I had no fear. And I paid closer attention to what was forming in front of me as I was being drawn back. I saw a sun form or what to me look like a sun. And the further I got back the sun became part of a solar system, but it was nothing like our solar system. This solar system had like 35 to 40 planets and they were all a lot closer together than what we imagine our solar system being. In between all these planets there were stardust and meteors, it was a beautiful solar system coming together and I was steadily floating back. I saw Saturn except for it was standing upright on its ring like it was in the middle of a wheel, I saw Jupiter except for it had rings like Saturn. I imagine as I was floating, how magical this place was. I knew that this was home and that I had come from the light, but the solar system was nothing like what I imagine or like what we think our solar system is, it was totally cluttered and unorganized, it was magnificent.

I continued to be pulled back until the whole galaxy spun in front of my eyes. It was this beautiful pink and purple majestic scene of power and glory and grace. This dream was a key. And I finally realized what gate this key opens.

Over this past summer I had another dream that reminded me of this particular Galaxy that spun before my eyes and 2014. This particular dream that I had over the summer I saw six moons spread across the sky. Each Moon had a beam of light coming straight down off of it, and each beam of light had a ring like a disc around it, just one. The dream felt something like an initiation, and as I looked across the sky I saw a mountain range bathed in pink and purple light from the setting Sun. walking across this mountain range was a line of beings dressed in white roads I believe they had hoods and each carrying a lantern bright with white light. The mood was peace and serenity, love was abound. These two dreams are somehow connected and I can’t figure out how.

Freedom from pain

Taking Time for Me

As I sit here, pain filling my neck and shoulders, I refuse and I Mean refuse to go to the dr. Some might call this silly, ignorant, or even dumb. But I already know what to expect, and I wont put a vaccine to my arm…

I am taking time for me, because this pain is deeper than any pill could heal. I’ve been snatched around my hair, thrown around and abused. Only 8 months ago, I found myself staring in the eyes of Satan himself, (if he existed)…  This pain is fresh, deep pain. It’s a spiritual pain. Something that only I can fix through making time for me.

Healing this wound is imperative but how do I go about doing it? I can heal others, (well help them heal themselves), I can offer anyone advice on damn near any topic, but I cannot for the life of me figure this one out. This pain keeps me from feeling my happiness, it keeps me from smiling and glowing. All I want to do is sleep, but it creeps back with the bat of an eye.

Abuse is never ok. If you’re in a situation where you’re being abused in anyway, you should find a way out. There’s always a door… you just have to see it. Take time for you, love you, set you free.